This Ain't No Game

by Kessel Run

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about

Our most ambitious move yet - A crunchy amalgam of rock and roll, chiptunes, and geekdom. "This Ain't No Game" is five tracks of nerd rock at it's finest, covering all the basics: Video games, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Futurama, love, etc. This is the last album you'll need to own - until we release another.

credits

released January 13, 2015

Doug Crawford - Bass Guitar, Guitar, Keyboards, Vocals
Alexis Blair - Guitar, Bass Guitar, Drums, Vocals

Recorded by Rick Cramer
Engineered by Steven Murr

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Kessel Run San Francisco, California

Kessel Run is your new favorite geek rock band. Don't fight it.

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Track Name: Player Two
Life is like Ghouls n' Ghosts
You try so hard and give your most
You fell the horde, but miss the jump
You lose your shirt and die
Life is like a game of Tetris
Every move assigned just sets this
Bar so high, you'll never win
No matter how you try

There's no cheat codes, there's no 1-UP's
Only way to win is by playing co-op
Oh, it's bleak but it's true
That's why you will forever be my Player Two

Life is like a game of Time Crisis
Every other second run and hide
Unless you're willing to spend all you money
Then you'll never make it far
Life is like Contra 3
Why's everybody always picking on me?
Cause it's raining bullets and it's hard to see
I can't tell where you are

Future hope is black as coal
'Till we're both in control
Oh, it's no fun without you
That's why you will Forever be my Player Two

You can have the health pick-up, I don't need it
You take the wheel and I'll get in back and man the turret
Can't beat this boss without you
There's just something about
Let's play this game cooperatively
And say you don't want to PVP
And tell me there's no player 3

Life is like Bomberman
You run around in fear and plan
And just when you think you've got it all sorted out
It blows up in your face

There's no cheat codes, there's no 1-UP's
Only way to win is by playing co-op
Oh, it's bleak but it's true
That's why you will forever be my Player Two
Track Name: Whovian Love Song
Time And Relative Dimension in Space
We can travel anytime any place
Anywhere, anywhen, so the question’s then
Where to now?
I feel nine-hundred years old
When you ask, “What should we do now?”
I wish I had a more exciting life
And I could take you away

Roses are red
The TARDIS is blue
If I were a Timelord I’d choose you
And travel across the time stream
My companion right beside me
Silurians are green
Cybermen are chrome
We can run away and find ourselves a little home
That’s bigger on the inside
A time traveling mobile home
For us to hide

In my imagination
We’d be on permanent vacation
We’d see things we weren't meant to know
And find trouble everywhere that we go
But as scary as it gets, we’ll always end out on top
And I would have a fez, you’d have a robot dog
We’d flip every switch just to see where we end up

Roses are red
The TARDIS is blue
If I were a Timelord I’d choose you
And travel across the time stream
My companion right beside me
Silurians are green
Cybermen are chrome
We can run away and find ourselves a little home
That’s bigger on the inside
A time traveling mobile home
For us to hide

There’s just so much of this crazy universe to see
But it won’t mean half as much if I can’t take you there with me
Oh, you set my hearts aflutter
Let’s jump into the time stream just this minute
What good’s the future if you’re not in it
You’re my homeworld any way you spin it

Roses are red
The TARDIS is blue
If I were a Timelord I’d choose you
And travel across the time stream
My companion right beside me
Silurians are green
Cybermen are chrome
We can run away and find ourselves a little home
That’s bigger on the inside
A time traveling mobile home
For us to hide
Track Name: Fight Johnny Rebel!
Mamma don't wait up for me
I'm off to save the galaxy
From orange-clad subversives and their brood
They're vicious and their menacing
And brutal, oh yes everything
You hear about the Rebel Alliance is true
After all the countless years we've spent
Creating a unified government
With a single, evil, sith lord at it's heart
These scum give into jealousy
Rebellion and heresy
They're trying to tear our Empire apart

So I'm getting me uniform all shiny and white
Kiss my cheek and wish me luck
The transport leaves tonight

And we're off to fight Johnny Rebel
Leaving head up high, coming back with a medal
The next time you see me I'll be standing in a line
Of faceless Stormtroopers on that Death Star in the sky
Yes we're off to fight Johnny Rebel
Put the fear of the Empire in those anarchist devils
Divided we fall, united we stand
I'll be coming back to Alderaan a man

We'll put an end to this war
We'll find peace once more
With the Sith on our side, how can we lose?
Historians will write
They were dead, and we were right
So keep your eye on the Holo-net for the good news

Mamma, don't cry for your boy
Rest assured your pride and joy
Will come right back again this time next year
Yes once those terrorists are gone
I'll come back home to Aldreaan
My trooper's wage will earn a life right here

And when I com home in that armor, you'll be beaming with pride
Grateful that your youngest son was
On the winning side

Oh yes, we're off to fight Johnny Rebel
Leaving head up high, coming back with a medal
The next time you see me I'll be standing in a line
Of faceless Stormtroopers on that Death Star in the sky
Yes we're off to fight Johnny Rebel
Put the fear of the Empire in those anarchist devils
Divided we fall, united we stand
I'll be coming back to Alderaan a man

And I'll be watching from above
To protect the planet that I love
And I'll be coming back to Alderaan a man
Track Name: Blue Bomber
The future's still rough, life's still hard
We still don't have flying cars
There's hurricanes and super-flus
And supermodels posing as movie stars
Politicians fight over ideologies
Ain't even started on our warp technologies
We'd much rather sit at home and
Watch reality TV

What we need now is a hero
Someone to rescue us from harm
What we need now is a savior
A robot with a laser gun for an arm

Blue Bomber, come to our aid
He's not a boy
He's a machine built to destroy evil
That's just how he was made

Dr. Light created artificial life for the
benefit and servitude of man
But when our hero was created, Light's assistant got jealous
He reprogrammed all the robots and ran
The robot masters gained new instruction
Hell-bent on death and destruction
So Light's boy was converted into a
Cyber war machine

When the evil Dr. Wily come to enslave us
It will be curtains for humanity
There's only one person who can save us
Oh, "Mega" means million
And "Man" means man
He's a million times the man that you'll ever be

Blue Bomber, come to our aid
He's not a boy
He's a machine built to destroy evil
That's just how he was made

Charge, charge your buster gun arm
Bring darkness to light
Gain power with each foe that you face
We're counting on you
Save the human race

Upon a flying robot dog there rides a hero
A warrior to help us understand
Shining like a bright blue beacon of justice
And firing deadly laser-beams from his hand

Blue Bomber, come to our aid
He's not a boy
He's a machine built to destroy evil
That's just how he was made
Track Name: Zapp Brannigan
Blasting into the depths of space
At a bajillion miles an hour
All alone with only two-thousand men
Who will stand in defense of earth
To heed her beckon call?
To look new lifeforms in the eye
And vaporize them all?

Zapp, Zapp Brannigan
He will rise again
He will fly again, fight again
Shooting straight into the sky again
Breaking hearts among the stars again
Patriotic Earthican
Zapp, Zapp Brannigan
He'll win the war again
Looking dapper in velour again
Buckle up we're setting sail again
Do it with an alien

He's the man with the keys
To our deadliest weaponry
He's not in it for the money or the glory
Just the fortune and fame (Fortune and fame)
He's a warrior of love
Bringing destruction from above
Let's hear it for the man with no name

Zapp, Zapp Brannigan
He will rise again
He will fly again, fight again
Shooting straight into the sky again
Breaking hearts among the stars again
Patriotic Earthican
Zapp, Zapp Brannigan
He'll win the war again
Looking dapper in velour again
Buckle up we're setting sail again
Do it with an alien

His brilliance shines like a lightning bolt crashing into the sun
A galactic god among men, feared and adored by everyone
His hair is as shiny as the shiniest silk - sex appeal for days
As powerful as a nuclear explosion on an asteroid
Colliding with a comet in a wormhole
Full of anti-matter warheads in space

Zapp, Zapp Brannigan
He will rise again
He will fly again, fight again
Shooting straight into the sky again
Breaking hearts among the stars again
Patriotic Earthican
Zapp, Zapp Brannigan
He'll win the war again
Looking dapper in velour again
Buckle up we're setting sail again
Do it with an alien